


You're in my Spot to Die

by crescenttwins



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Imported, Kink Meme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-19
Updated: 2014-07-19
Packaged: 2018-02-09 13:49:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1985265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crescenttwins/pseuds/crescenttwins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It isn't that they plan it or anything, but Lelouch supposes that there's not much else to say to someone who's trying to kill himself on your rooftop.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're in my Spot to Die

**Author's Note:**

> Warning for suicidal teenagers. Suicide is not meant to be comedic in any way, and the portrayal of suicidal teenagers in this fic is not intended to make light of it.

It isn't that they plan it or anything, but Lelouch supposes that there's not much else to say to someone who's trying to kill himself on your rooftop.

The other boy is wiry but strong, the sort of build that Lelouch had always wanted, and yeah, he's a bit on the short side, but he isn't unattractive in any way. In fact, if Lelouch hadn't opened the door on him sliding a gun into his mouth, Lelouch would never have pegged him to be suicidal.

As it was, Lelouch does open the door, and he's not quite sure how to react when the other boy pulls the gun out of his mouth. He supposes that it's sort of polite to give someone else space to kill himself, but Lelouch isn't going to come back up here after there's a dead body around. That's too gruesome for him, and there's a reason why Lelouch is planning on throwing himself over the edge as opposed to using a gun.

"Um," the other boy says, "I'm sorry, but could you leave?"

Lelouch ignores him, pushing away some of the fencing to step on the outer ledge of the roof. He stares downward, and thinks that thirty stories was a good choice. He'll be dead long before he hits the concrete. 

"Wait," the other boy stutters, and Lelouch hears the sound of something hitting the ground--probably the gun, from the sound of it. "Wait, are you trying to kill yourself?"

Lelouch rolls his eyes and sits down on the ledge. "Well, yes, that was the plan."

"But-"

"Hey," Lelouch says, "what's your name?"

The other boy climbs through the fence to sit next to him. His shirt slides up as he pushes through the fence, and Lelouch eyes the heavy bruising. "Uh," he says.

Lelouch waits, looking down as the sun begins to hide and street lights glitter below. In the distance, the red light district is colored neon.

"Suzaku." He finally hears.

"Suzaku, what are you doing up here?" Lelouch says.

Suzaku fiddles with the wire fence. "Well, I was planning on killing myself. But, uh, I don't really want to do that with another person."

"Why do you feel that way?" Lelouch says, and winces. He sounds like the counselors at school, the ones who try to explain away his father's cruel eyes and the empty house, his mother's dead body flashing before his eyes. He sounds like someone who knows nothing, and it pisses him off to even think of it.

Suzaku, to his credit, laughs. "You sound like the psychologists." He shrugs, voice shaky while a wide smile stretches his lips. "Isn't the better question, where did you get the gun?"

Lelouch rolls his eyes. "No offense, but you definitely aren't the type to procure a gun illegally, which means military. You're too young, so your father is probably military, and the type that likes guns in the house." Lelouch eyes Suzaku, how his spine stiffens, and wonders what word sets the other boy off. Military? Young? Father?

"What do you know about me?" Suzaku says, avoiding Lelouch's eyes. "My father doesn't know anything about me."

Father, then, Lelouch thinks. That's fair. He has issues with his father, too. 

"What kind of father is yours?" Lelouch says, mouth running because there's nothing to fear when both of them are going to be dead soon anyway. "Mine pits his children against each other for his attention and then neglects them after throwing them barbed compliments." Lelouch closes his eyes, tries not to remember Euphemia wasting away, becoming skinnier and skinnier to meet his father's standards; tries to forget Cornelia's bitter words.

"You have siblings?" Suzaku asks, a clear deterrent.

"Twenty...two siblings, at last count," Lelouch says. "You?"

"No," Suzaku says. "No siblings." A pause. "Wait, twenty-two!?"

"My father was a horny bastard." Lelouch pulls his legs up, his knobby knees extended over the edge. "Did your mom die before or after your dad started being abusive?" There. Subtle enough?

Suzaku choked.

Apparently not.  
"Careful," Lelouch says. "Don't fall of the edge so fast." He would put his arm out to steady the other male, but with his physical ability, they would probably topple over together and the news would tell the tale of two teenage lovers and a suicide pact.

And while it would be interesting to see his father explain that away, Lelouch has no doubt that Schneizel would be up to the task.

"Y-you--" Suzaku strangles out of his throat. "What is your name, even?"

"Lelouch." Lelouch replies. "But it's probably not that important to you." He's bitter, and he pretends that he can't hear it saturating his tone.

Apparently, it's obvious enough that Suzaku turns concerned eyes on him. And doesn't that just make Lelouch feel great, that a guy who's planning on killing himself is feeling sympathetic.

"It matters," Suzaku says, resolutely. "And yeah, my dad is abusive, and it started just a bit after my mom died." He looks away. "What about your mom?"

Lelouch sighs. "How did your mom die?"

"Illness." Suzaku said.

"Did you watch her waste away?"

"No," Suzaku breathes out, "no, they refused to let me see her during the last few months. I didn't see her again until she was dead." Lelouch tries to imagine that, tries to think about being deprived of his mother when time was running out.

Lelouch laughs bitterly, so Suzaku doesn't take offense. "Adults, trying to take away the pain, is it?"

"Probably."

Silence.

Then,

"My mother was shot to death by one of my father's mistresses on drugs. Not that my mother wasn't a mistress herself." Lelouch breathes out.

"Oh my god," Suzaku says. "How old were you?" He sounds like he's going to cry, and Lelouch isn't aware of when this became a heart-to-heart.

"Young enough," Lelouch said. 

He gets hugged, and Lelouch is a little depressed to think that this is the closest he's been with a human being in a long time. It's nice, in a maudlin sort of way.

Suzaku breaks away and says, "Um. You probably know more about me than my best friend, right now."

"He's not a very good friend then, is he?" Lelouch asks, but he knows what Suzaku means. 

Suzaku pushes through the wire fence and clambors onto the main portion of the roof.

Lelouch supposes that's that, then. He doesn't feel much like jumping, at the moment, so he thinks maybe another time. This rooftop will be closed off if Suzaku kills himself here, which is a shame, since this is Lelouch's favorite view, but he supposes that he'll cede it to the other boy. 

He climbs through the fence and watches Suzaku pick up the gun. He's about to leave when Suzaku says, "Want to get dinner?"

Lelouch says, "Okay."

They leave. And the next time they come back, it's for the view.

**Author's Note:**

> Poke me at crescenttwins.tumblr.com if you want to chat!


End file.
